My mom walked in kindness. My dad valued truth. They were not opposites attracting.
Jesus told Pilot that he had come into the world to testify to truth. Pilot asked Jesus “what is truth?” John 18:37-38
Jesus is the embodiment of love and truth. God is love. 1 John 4:b and Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father but through him. John 14:6.
Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.
Being able to speak in love and truth makes us like Jesus and mature in the faith and wise I would say.
What is love? Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
John 3:16 NASB1995[16] “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.
Romans 5:8 NASB1995[8] But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
John 15:13 NASB1995[13] Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.
1 Peter 3:15 NASB1995
[15] but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence; (truth and love)
This was a verse in VBS one year when I was a teacher in my son’s class. I have been trying to always be ready to make a defense to anyone who asks about my hope ever since. It takes courage, preparation and experience but most people don’t ask. So, I’m not confident in my ability to do so when the time comes. But the spirt brings to my mind:
But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, Matthew 10:19
As David says in The Bible miniseries “God is with me.”
I have to speak God’s truth. I want to grow to be like Jesus. Like the meme says speak truth even when your voice shakes. My voice and hands shake. My face gets red, my mouth gets dry and all thoughts leave my mind. Im like Moses. Exodus 4:10 NASB1995[10] Then Moses said to the Lord, “Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.”
Jeremiah 20:9 NASB1995
[9] But if I say, “I will not remember Him Or speak anymore in His name,” Then in my heart it becomes like a burning fire Shut up in my bones; And I am weary of holding it in, And I cannot endure it.”
I have to speak about my story of knowing Jesus. My trials have strengthened my faith. I have learned that we are hear for others. For all to come into repentance so none shall perish. Im in disobedience when Im not sharing the gospel, my faith and my testimony. James 1:2-4 NASB1995[2] Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, [3] knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. [4] And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” Lacking in nothing. So how could I not share what I know about the Great I Am who loves me and makes me complete, lacking in nothing? Believe me, I have to resist the Jonah temptation when people are awful. John 8:32 NASB1995
[32] and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”
I get scared though. Not of rejection or insults, but of retaliation and attack. People are so spiteful and petty. Matthew 10:16 NASB1995[16] “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves.Ive gotten to where I struggle with wanting to be obedient to the Lord and wanting wretched people to get what they deserve.
Jonah 4:1-2, 9, 11 NASB1995[1] But it greatly displeased Jonah and he became angry. [2] He prayed to the Lord and said, “Please Lord, was not this what I said while I was still in my own country? Therefore in order to forestall this I fled to Tarshish, for I knew that You are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness, and one who relents concerning calamity. [9] Then God said to Jonah, “Do you have good reason to be angry about the plant?” And he said, “I have good reason to be angry, even to death.” [11] Should I not have compassion on Nineveh, the great city in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know the difference between their right and left hand, as well as many animals?”
God’s creation needs to know the truth about Jesus. John 8:32 NASB1995[32] and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”
John 17:17-19 NASB1995[17] Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth. [18] As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. [19] For their sakes I sanctify Myself, that they themselves also may be sanctified in truth.” God doesn’t want anyone to perish. 2 Peter 3:9 NASB1995[9] The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance. Im sharing my testimony for repentance. For my own repentance of sin and to encourage others to repentance because it makes us reverent of who God is.
John 4:23 NASB1995[23] But an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for such people the Father seeks to be His worshipers.
Philippians 4:8 NASB1995[8] Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
I need so much encouragement to share my testimony. A pep talk. Team huddled. I rely so much on scripture, because it’s all I have. I have no friends, acquaintances or church family. I haven’t had friends since I got married. I had friends growing up, I had loving parents and I grew up in the church so how could I have married someone who didn’t love me? Someone who wasn’t even capable of loving me? I knew what love was, how could I have been so blind? I put on rose colored glasses and blind folds. I was raised to think of others more than myself. Philippians 2:3 NASB1995[3] “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;” which is beautiful. Except when im the only one in the relationship doing it. There’s nothing like a complete verse, chapter and verse. Verse 1 of Chapter 2 in Philippines says what will make his joy complete: 1 consolation of love 2 fellowship of spirit 3 affection and compassion 4 of the same mind and love 5 united in spirit 6 intent on one purpose. Nope. None of this would describe our marriage. He just mirrored. Said what I wanted to hear. Then sought after the desires of his flesh.
We met at a friend’s parent’s house my senior year in high school. He was funny. He and his buddy were both shooting their shot. His friend was well known by mine because he was a lady killer. Very lust full. Desireful. Its flattering when you’re young and dumb. I gave my attention to him. Later my husband would tell me that’s not the first time we met. That the first time was at the beach. I didn’t remember. He said yeah he was trying to talk to my group of friends but we weren’t receptive so he said “Bs”. Why would I continue with someone with that story? I love getting to hear “how we met” stories. I get to hear from people who have been married 50, 60, 70 years and it’s wonderful, full of love and respect. My version of “how we met” story isn’t good either. If the roles were reversed I wouldn’t want to be second choice. He wasn’t really second. I just wanted to date because I never had boyfriends in school. I didn’t want to get married until I was 30. After a couple of months, I turned my focus onto my future husband. When the other guy asked me out on a date I was flattered. I told him I would meet him where he suggested, but he asked if he could come and pick me up and meet my dad. I nervously laughed and said no. If you come and meet my dad you’ll be leaving without me. He said I’ll wear long sleeves to cover my tatoos, I know parents don’t like them. I continued to insist we meet up. My dad would take one look at you with your long sleaves and pants and say absolutely not. I want to go on a date with you, therefore, I will meet you there. The other guy wasn’t interested in a virgin. Also, main interest was money from family.
When my future husband and I were in the talking on the phone phase; I remember once asking him about his last name because his step dad’s name would show on my caller ID. I had a table phone with top of the line caller ID and call waiting in my apartment near the community college I was attending. I was relieved and intrigued to learn what his last name was. Funny and insignificant how that made me like him more. God already knew we would marry, have two children and the day He would end the covenant. Hebrews 9:27 NASB1995[27] “And inasmuch as it is appointed for men to die once and after this comes judgment, ” When we first met up, I rode with him in the back seat of a truck to a club downtown. I should not have been in the back seat with him. When I realized the situation and became uncomfortable he pulled me close and put my head on his shoulder and said “it’s not like that. ” I was relieved, but shouldn’t have been. He later told me that was his intention but realized it wasn’t mine and that I was uncomfortable. He aborted that mission to look like a gentleman. I wanted to believe that. I think he wanted to believe that. Another time I went downtown riding with him (this is significant to me, because in my friend group I was known as the driver. I preferred to drive) and we were leaving. We walked out of a club and crossed the street. He told me he arranged for me to ride home with someone else because he had to go back inside. I objected because first I wanted to be with him as I went out with him and leaving me was out of my ability to grasp. I’ve heard of the grandmother rule of taking a quarter with you on a date incase your date didn’t work out. I couldn’t believe i was in that situation. As im countering what he’s telling me he’s looking past me and then took off running. The cross walk had turned green and he ran across the street back to the club. I was dumbfounded. The ride he arranged pulled up next to me and told me to get in. All people I knew. People I went to school with and new better than my future husband. The car was already full. There would have been no seat belt and I would have been sitting in a lap and I said no. They asked how would I get home? I didn’t know. I kept standing there until eventually my future husband came back out and he took me home and dropped off. Years later he told me it’s because he knew I was not going to have sex with him and there was a girl inside he thought would. I should have never spoken to him again after that night. I’ve said a few times over the years that no one has ever broken my heart like my husband has and this was the first time. When the movie Pretty Women came out, I saw it 7x in the movie theater because friends kept wanting to see it, so I quote it a lot. These a scene where Vivian tells Edward that he mom would call her a “bum magnet.” That if there was a bum in a 50 mile radius she was completely attracted to him. I wasnt attracted to other guys, but I was completely attracted to my future husband no matter how many times he showed me he didn’t love me, at least not at the level I loved him. At his funeral one of his friends remarked on me that I’ve always only had eyes for my husband. In those days when we would talk on the phone, I asked him if he was a Christian? He said that he had been baptized at him mom’s church. Baptism makes a Christian not. He went on to say his step mom used to blast Christian preaching at him so he’s turned off. Then, it tugged on my compassion and sense of wanting to show real love of Jesus. Today it makes me think of someone trying to blast the demon out of him. Lol
As Dr Phil says, we teach people how to treat us.
Matthew 22:39 NASB1995[39] The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’
1 John 4:19 NASB1995[19] We love, because He first loved us.
I had to learn to love myself. How we speak to ourselves matters immensely. The battle of the mind. I waited there with no ride home because I had to know what he was doing. What was so important he would leave me for. He came out with one of my friends. He asked why I didn’t go home with the ride he sent!? I explained the car was full and I came with him. He dropped me off at my apartment. When they pulled away I realized I didn’t have my purse and my keys so Im paging them and neither are answering. I had to go to the office security to get into my apartment. That was humiliating. I don’t remember which of them I got my stuff back from or why I spoke with him after that. My friend latter apologized for having sex with him because she didn’t realize we were dating. Why would she, he certainly didn’t tell her. I couldn’t fathom what she said. I literally pretended that wasn’t true even though she told me so. I wasn’t mad at her. She tried to tell me. I just didn’t want to believe he would do that to me. I thought he valued me. He did not. For the rest of her life she referred to me saying sweet before my name. Sweet is what people call someone who doesn’t believe who someone is the first time (or second or third) they show them who they are. His sister does that too. Its an insult. I had never thought of sweet that way. I think of songs and the saying “Jesus, the sweetest name I know.” He helped me move out of that apartment back into my parent’s house.
When I briefly dated his friend. On our last date, I drove him home – because he didn’t have a car or drivers license- he said you’re a virgin aren’t you? Yes. I don’t want to take a girls virginity, it makes them clingy. I thought, no worries, I won’t be giving it to you. I was clingy anyways. Its weird how sometimes Godless people can be more reverent than His people, like the men on the ship to Tarshish. I gave my virginity to my husband before we were married. This was a huge mistake in my thinking. I had told myself I don’t have to be married, but just who I would marry. He took it without any value. At his mom’s house and she came home. Im freaking out because my parents would have been going in that room to make sure we weren’tdoinganythingwe weren’t supposed to. He kept saying shes not going to come in don’t worry about it. Afterwards when we were getting ready to go out into the living room he pulled the nice, white sheets down and there was a small bright red drop of blood. I stared in horror. He starts berating: my mom is going to be upset. Im like do you have stain remover? Let’s strip the bed and wash them! No, no. Some excuses not worth remembering. So we leave the blood stain there per his orders and go into the living room. His mom is on the couch and she sees us and greets me with her loud, boisterous voice. I was surprised and releived. She is tickeled at how much I like her son stating she could tell by how I was pressed up next to him. That brought my attention to the fact that I was hiding as close to him as I could because I thought she was going to be scary. That’s when I first realized- that he caused me to be afraid of her, so I step away from him. Of, course I dismissed that red flag and so will have to endure that same violating, humiliation tactic many more times to come. In that one act of not bothering to clean/care for something he was able to shift blame to me for when his mom gets upset about the sheets and then I don’t want to go back there. I understand this wasn’t the first red flag, but this was the first red flag that I saw and I ignored it. I realized that he had purposely acted to my demise and his self preservation. However, I ignored it.
This makes my heart break for the girls who were violated and raped as their first sexual encounter. There are way too many worthless men in the world who think stealing and destroying someone’s innocence makes them more significant. This was my choice. My heart breaks for the boys and girls that didn’t have a choice, they were over powered by a selfish abuser. How does that affect them for the rest of their lives? How do they see themselves? How do they trust anyone? Tim Ballard the hero behind the movie Sound of Silence, rescues women and children from sex slavery. Sexual immortality and idolatry go together. The idea that you can absorb someone’s purity and innocence is idolatry. There’s only one way to atone for our sins. There’s only one way to be washed clean. The idea that a filthy man can rape a youthful or innocent person and they swap those labels is a lie. Its absurd. Its twisted. Man looks on the outside, but God looks on the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7. Assaulting someone for power and control is idolatry. Thinking you decide, or are above what God’s laws, commands and Precepts are idolatry. No matter how much power you exert over someone you don’t decide whats good, honorable, right or justified. Society likes to blame victims and so do the perpetrators, but God doesn’t. We all will get what God decides is right. He is slow to anger, but He is just. Whether someone believes God is all knowing and powerful is irrelevant to the fact that He is.
When king David sins and orders for Uriah’s wife to be brought to him to have sex with her, God doesn’t apply any of the trespass to her. David coveted another man’s wife and he had the power to have her brought to him. The penalty for his sins are only attributed to David. She does have a share in the Consequences; as we all share in our spouses blessings and Consequences. David is called a man after God’s own heart because he truly and deeply repented of his sins. It’s unsettling how silent women are in the old testament. I think feminism started with women saying they will decide who they will marry and if they will have sex or not. Its like they assume they will have to have sex with someone they don’t want to and just hope it’s someone they aren’t repulsed by or maybe someonewho will provide well. That male oppressive society isn’t how God established the marital relationship. This violated the Ten Commandments Exodus 20:14 NASB1995
[14] “You shall not commit adultery. As well as: Deuteronomy 22:22 NASB1995[22] “If a man is found lying with a married woman, then both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and the woman; thus you shall purge the evil from Isreal. Today people like to misreference the bible stating God says to kill the woman but that’s not true. Its both. If she cried out, God doesn’t hold her accountable for what she didn’t want to do. The victim’s responsibility is to not interalize that. Its all about the offender. There are many instances of rape in the bible and they each have a different motivation and character defect of the rapist. Like the “prince of the land” who SAW, LUSTED and TOOK Dinah in opportunity, daughter of Jacob and Leah. He wanted to KEEP her like a possession he found in HIS land and asked for a forced marriage to be arranged. Tamar, daughter of King David was raped by a brother who was obsessed with her to the point of making himself sick and depressed from trying to suppress his urges and desires. He coveted a virgin, set apart, has he felt inferior to approach her. He received counsel from a shrewed adviser of how to devise a plan so he could have a Surreptitious and voyeuristic watching of her prepare food which will bring her close enough to touch her and force himself on her. Then, once she was in reach of him he overpowered her. He even refused to listen to her suggestion to ask for her in marriage instead of being a fool “because he was stronger.” Afterward, like ever abusive narcissist who thought he was entitled to what he desired he discarded her and “hated her even more” than he previously had thought he “loved” her. Then there’s Levi’s concubine she was gang raped by “certain worthless fellows” of the city in Benjamin because she was offered and thrown out to them because the vile men had surrounded the house wanting to have sex with her master. The foolish men wouldn’t listen so she was ceased and brought out them to do as they pleased so they would not act so wickedly and they raped and abused her all night until sunrise. This is so horrific. The real question is why would God allow that to happen to her? Why does God allow such atrocities? There are some people who are like unreasonable animals. Her “husband” informs all the tribes of Isreal about this evil act that doesn’t happen in Isreal (I mean, they traveled late into night so that they would lodge in Isreal instead of a foreign nation) with a strong message by sending her body parts to them. All the tribes go against the tribe of Benjamin and almost blot it out. The concubine first left her master (playing the harlot by going back to her father’s house) because she was mad (GNB) maybe she was mad because he never defends or protects her, because he never married her. The bible switches from master to husband once he speaks up about the horrific abuse that killed her. At first the owner of the house offered his virgin daughter and the concubine to get them to quit, but ultimately only through out the concubine. That guy was also a Benjamit. Maybe he was killed in the Civil War or maybe he married one of the virgin daughters who was spared when they killed everyone from the tribe who didn’t join in the war against Benjamin. Jeremiah 3:22 NASB1995[22] “Return, O faithless sons, I will heal your faithlessness.” “Behold, we come to You; For You are the Lord our God.
Today we like to help the perpetrators by victim blaming. Its what she wore or how she acted or where she went or she was alone. Like the how Malala said for her to be able to go in the market street, she had to take her baby brother with her. That way she had a male with her. Let’s victim blame. Bathsheba was taking a ritual cleaning bath where David could see her and didn’t resist when the king’s men brought her to the palace. Dinah went to go and visit other women. Tamar did as her father instructed and nursed a sick relative. There were other people present until he suddenly order them all to leave. The concubine, did she have any say ever? She kept company with weak men. Blaming the victim only ever helps the perpetrators. “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good me to do nothing. Or in the concubines case- throw a bone out to the dogs. Disgusting. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented” Elie Weisel Victim blaming allows people to do nothing, to be silent and not call out sin, abuse or atrocities. Yet, at the same time can pretend we were involved and did something. Instead we need to learn the bible teaches there are worthless men. There are silent people who see whats happening and don’t help. There are tormented people who will do anything to ease it. There are people who are tornados of selfishness who think they are entitled to take anything they want. There are weak, pitiful people who will throw you under a bus to save themselves so they don’t have to fight or be inconvenienced. General safety measures are necessary because there are acquaintances that are secretly coveting and lusting, opportunists who are always looking for the next fleshly pleasure, and people who pretend to care, but absent when you need them.
Both my husband and dad have passed. I wish I could take my son with me everywhere I go but that would be inappropriate at work. Dont become bitter and vengeful. Forgive. Unforgiveness eats you up. Cast it onto Jesus. 1 Peter 5:7 NASB casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. UnForgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. God tells us to forgive because it’s what’s good for us. Ephesians 4:31-32 NASB1995[31] Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. [32] Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. I’ve learned that sometimes I survive wretched people to come to the decision I don’t want to be like that. Forgiveness is strength. Its righteousness. 1 John 1:9 NASB1995[9] If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
God’s establishment for marriage is one man and one woman. As Mathew Henry stated: “woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.” God made Adam a “helper” same word used for the holy spirit Jesus would send at Pentecost and suitable for him. That’s powerful!
My husband never acknowledged my suitableness to help him. He minimized, denied and took credit for all the things I did to elevate him, because he was my husband and I wanted good things for him; because as his wife I share in his good fortune or in his consequences. Daughter, never marry or continue a relationship with a man that you can’t be a helper to. My husband did things I couldn’t support because they were illegal and wrong, but they were very important to him and who he was and what it allowed him to accomplish and how it made him feel about himself and something he enjoyed doing and condemning it was met with retaliation. So I ignored it. We have to live with and endure everything we ignore. If you can’t come beside him and jump in the help him accomplish his work; whether it’s because it’s not a good work or because he’s not working. Walk away. Its never too late to walk away. I told myself, Im too invested. I put so much into the relationship. I adjust my life. My decisions based on him first. I would lose friends. I would lose out. This is known as the sunk cost fallacy.