Numbers 14:18 ‘I, the LORD, am not easily angered, and I show great love and faithfulness and forgive sin and rebellion. Yet I will not fail to punish children and grandchildren to the third and fourth generation for the sins of their parents.’
We are like our parents. We inherit their genes and we adopt their teachings, whether verbal or actions. We learn good things and bad, because all parents are imperfect people. So even good parents can unintentionally teach ways that are not God’s ways. As scripture says throughout the book of Kings “he walked in the way of his father” and had a similar fate. We are always to seek God and to know His ways and His teaching and His righteousness because all else falls short of the glory of God. We ought to learn from the mistakes of our parents. If I continue to do the same as my parents, then I’m going to have the same consequences and I’m going to teach my children those ways and they will continue the consequences. Especially when I know better. So I want to do better so my children won’t repeat it and endure the same consequences.
Luke 12:47-48 NASB1995[47] And that slave who knew his master’s will and did not get ready or act in accord with his will, will receive many lashes, [48] but the one who did not know it, and committed deeds worthy of a flogging, will receive but few. From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more.
As children grow into teenagers they see things in their parents they don’t like and don’t want to be like. As a wise man said “it’s not enough to know what we don’t want to do, we have to know what we will do instead.” So when I see my parent’s suffering under sin consequence, just as they can see me suffering under my sin consequenes- it’s my responsibility to do better. My parents modeled the Christian life for me. Expected me to do as I was taught. James 1:22 But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves.
But as imperfect people we all have a sin weakness. You’ve seen the meme “if we all through our sins into a pile we would want our sin back.”? I believe that’s true. My parents warn me of their parents sin. My dad would warn of alcoholism and it’s destructive effects on a family. My mom would warn of gambling and woman neglecting domestic work. Neither of my parents struggled with the sins they would warn about. They knew better and did better. But they had their own sin weakness as I do. My parents rarely had wine. My mom would never play cards. She didn’t even like to play board games. My mom was a Proverbs 31 woman. She was a good wife. She worked with delight outside our home and gave and cared for her family at home. I honestly don’t know how she did it all. I think she swung far in the opposite direction.
My mom later in life was convicted of focusing too much on her friends. She began confessing it to me. I in return confessed having that sin as well. My idolizing of friends and women in the church was learned from my mom. It goes unchecked because it doesn’t seem like a sin, but it is and God certainly wanted to sift it out of me. Afterall, He is a jealous God. Exodus 34:14 —for you shall not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God— This sin is easier to repent from in that there is one clear action: fix my eyes on Him Hebrews 12:2. “The only one worthy of my praise. For great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; he is to be feared above all gods” Psalm 96:4 I think my mom developed this sin weakness because her mother was very outspoken, “social butterfly” somewhat unavailable as she liked to be at the beauty parlor and playing cards with her friends. So my mom often went wanting her attention. I can relate. My mom wanted to be accepted and included by her older, a prestigious and wealthy half sister by her mother. My grandmother was a war widow with a daughter when my grandfather married her. My mom was always clothed in strength and dignity. Our hearts ache for love and belonging. As humans we often seek that from the wrong places.
My mom had the spiritual gift of hospitality and she exercised it regularly. She used it all the way through to the end of her life. Even after she had Aphasia and while she lived in memory care. My dad’s spiritual gifts is not as apparent as my mom’s. I wish I could talk with him about it, but I would say he has the gift of faith. They both did. I think he had the gift of prophecy and discernment like me but didn’t like to exercise it. Probably for the same reason I don’t. Others will call you a know it all and minimize that I would have such a gift. It silences and silence makes the gifts unused, which is a sin. Our pastor would even say God will take away unused gifts. It’s like Moses when God wanted him to give His message to Pharoah. Moses said Exodus 4:1 Then Moses said, “What if they will not believe me or listen to what I say? For they may say, ‘The Lord has not appeared to you.’ ”
Why do we think that people with no problems are Godly? Jesus had problems. Joseph had problems. Job had problems. Ester had problems. Have you ever seen the kid’s series Torchlighters’s? They had troubles! Jesus said in this would you will have troubles. John 16:33. As they say in a Kendrick Brothers movie don’t worry if Satan is attacking you, worry if he isn’t. Someone who presents as having it all together, all knowing and happy go lucky with no problems is a deceitful liar.
After my husband passed away people would wisely advise in passing to read Psalm such and such for continued strength and comfort. I couldn’t help but think “write it down. Did you write it down? You’ll forget. Write it down. ” -Pretty Woman I could barely remember anything especially not numbers. But, thankfully through the years of reading the Bible I have scriptures I’ve memorized and although I didn’t know it God brought Psalm 23 to my mind often.
Psalms 23:1-6 NKJV[1] The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. [2] He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. [3] He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. [4] Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. [5] You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over. [6] Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever.
I didn’t even realize those 6 verses were together in the 23rd chapter of Psalm. But they were what I was experiencing with God. God had separated me years earlier from any friends and he drew me close to him through the study of His word and utter dependence on Him. When my husband of 21 years and father to my two children suddenly died I just had to lean in to what I already knew about God and the support of His people.
When I was looking to move away from my hometown, I was looking at houses to buy with my realtor. I realized that one of the necessities of a home for me was that it had a place to put a table. I looked at brand new houses in my price range, but I didn’t want them because instead of there being room for a table there would just be a breakfast bar to eat at. I was stunned and appalled at the idea of eating dinner with my children at a bar and not gathered around the table. I didn’t even want to bring my large, 6 setter table that we had in our home and bought together one evening as a family of four at Kanes. I actually was in the process of selling it, instead of moving it again. Yet, a house was a NO for me if it didn’t even have space for a small 4 seater table. My realtor couldn’t believe it. Then, after deciding on a house that was just right for me I hired a construction company to put in a new kitchen to replace the terrible, tiny one that was there. The first thing the contractor said is I can make the kitchen bigger by expanding it with a breakfast bar into the area where the table goes. I almost cried. I’m like NO! I’ll have a smaller kitchen so that I still have room to put a table. No, I don’t have a table yet, I’m going to get a new one that matches my new home and kitchen. My old table was too big and would not have matched at all. He couldn’t believe that I would choose a smaller kitchen for a table. I explained I don’t want to eat with my children in a line. This article explains it perfectly.
“Of course, it’s not really about a physical table but what the time around a table represents. Too many people in our community are living isolated lives. They’re overwhelmed by life, but having too few meaningful conversations about things that matter. They are lacking a sense of connection and belonging. Too many people are like islands in an archipelago, alone and separated by the sea, while God designed us to be like branches of a tree, connected to one another by the trunk and fed by the roots, so we can thrive.The table is a symbol of family, community, and faithful presence. It’s a symbol of our deep desire to be known and be loved. It’s a symbol that we see throughout Scripture as a place where God dwells with and provides for his people. God sets a table for us and joins us around it.” – cfhome.org
Growing up my family of four ate dinner together. We would all hold hands and my dad would pray. I didn’t always like to eat, but I always liked being at the kitchen table with my family. Sometimes on the weekends we would eat at TV trays in front of the TV to watch something (technically still a table. ) My mom had the gift of hospitality and my dad loved that about her and encouraged her and enjoyed her gift of the spirit. So my parents often had dinner parties, gathered around the large table in the dining room with friends and enjoyed fellowship. My parents even turned the formal living room into a dining room so they could have a bigger table!
I remember one day I had made a dinner for my dad and we were sitting at their dining room table with my kids. My husband had passed and my mom was in memory care and we were talking about our plans for my kids and I to move in with him so we weren’t alone and we could help him. I told him we could get rid of his table and I would bring mine. He got all upset and once we talked through what he was upset about, he said he needed to have a table to eat with his family. I said dad. Of course you need a table to eat with your family. You said you like my table and chairs better than yours. He brighten and said I do! I’m just saying there isn’t enough room for both of our dining sets so we could use mine. He said ok. I see where I get my thing about tables! 🤦♀️😆
The table is the symbol of God providing, but also a place where he fellowships with us and invites us to come as an honored guest. A place where we can enjoy his goodness and abundance. Where it’s safe. It’s also in a position to where my enemies see God’s blessings for me. This is the table I want to sit at. My pastor would say that the only verse in the bible which gives reason for why God made us is:
Revelation 3:20 NASB1995 [20] Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me.
I mean is there anything better than eating with someone you love?
Matthew 26:20 NASB1995 [20] Now when evening came, Jesus was reclining at the table with the twelve disciples.
Isaiah 21:5 NASB1995 [5] They set the table, they spread out the cloth, they eat, they drink; “Rise up, captains, oil the shields,”
I learned in my marriage God as the God who provides. As a child my dad was the provider. My mom also worked full-time. When I wanted something I usually asked my mom; both of my parents liked to give gifts and gave without any strings attached. I love the verse If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matthew 7:11
when I started dating my husband. He liked to give flashy gifts. When we were engaged he bought me a car. I had a VW Jetta I’d had since I was 17. It had been struck by lightning one day and since then had a lot of electrical issues. The drivers seat was broken and it was 10 years old. I loved that car, but my husband decided he needed to buy me a new car and he would drive my Jetta. It seams nice because I was working downtown and driving on highways so the newer car would be more comfortable and safer. I didn’t ask for it and didn’t need him to but he went around telling everyone he bought me a car like he provided for me something I wasn’t able to get myself. It was a want not a need. It wasn’t providing it’s control. I wished I’d acknowledged that then. Its differen from God who provides supernaturally , not of our own strength, and as a blessing.
Psalms 78:24 NKJV [24] Had rained down manna on them to eat, And given them of the bread of heaven.
I graduated with my Masters degree in 2006. I worked for a couple of years and then quit because my husband would make going to work a nightmare. He said working woman have affairs. His father uses the same means of control. Financial control keeps a woman from being able to leave. God used this abuse for good. I was able to spend so much time with my kids and I’m sure I wouldn’t have known God as Jahova Jirah. I would have thought it was of my own strength, talents and smarts. I needed to know God provides, because he was going to take my husband, the sole provider of our family after not working for 11 years at 43 years old and I would have to lean heavily on my first hand experience that my God provides.
In 2007 in FL the housing market collapsed and so did the construction industry. My husband’s business went from making a lot of money to none by the end of the year. Thankfully the home and property I had purchased 7 years earlier with inheritance money I had was something we both wanted to protect so any income we had went to home, fuel and food. God introduced himself as the God who provides. I would say to my kids that we live on God’s economy, because there would be no money, but somehow we always ate and we paid the Mortgage. I wasn’t always so trusting in God, but my husband’s focus was the business he ran out of the home and not the family surviving in the home. Several times I said “what are we supposed to eat? The tires?” God would remind me “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” Matthew 6:26
There was one month that we had 1,800 i was going to use for the Mortgage and he spent it on a motor for a 1990 pick up he had that stuck out of the hood. I reninded him that if we loose the house he wouldn’t have anywhere to park his equipment. He said he didn’t care he is going to lose it all anyway. I told him God gave us this house and only God would take it away. I cared so i made an appointment to meet with the church during my VBS break time so I could ask for the 1800. I had to sit before 5 men judging. I was so humiliated but I didn’t want to lose my family home that I bought and had already sacraficed so much for. They finally decided they would give it to me. After I sold my home and moved away from my hometown I tithed on the equity and gave it to my church. So, God grew that charity they gave me and blessed them with it. He was constantly having to change tires on a dump truck since each one has 6. He had to change the tires on his dad’s trucks growing up and he despised it. It’s a difficult job. It’s dirty, requires massive power tools and extremely heavy. Has his business grew he was able to hire out that service.
After he died, people he’d worked with came flooding in wanting in on the business and offering to provide all kinds of business plans. But, all I could ask people was how am I going to get rid of all these tires? God provided. His friends came in and cleaned all of it up. I shut his business down. There was no other option. He actually said to do that one day when we were talking about if we died during covid. He was the heart and soul of of that business. It didn’t run without him. It couldn’t out live him and I certainly wasn’t going to put my neck on the line for someone who wasn’t my husband. I was glad to not have to be a slave to the business anymore. I would tell him your business is supposed to work for you. He had a victim hero mindset. Whichever one got him what he wanted in a given situation or with a person.
But for me if God doesn’t provide it, I don’t want it. I don’t want to hussel my way through life. I want to walk God’s path of blessing. I have seen and can testify that God provides. When there is no earthly reason we had money to eat and pay for our shelter that God provided in the firstplace. We could sit at our kitchen table as a family and eat a meal I cooked and he paid for. God provides more than just financial, but after my husband died and left huge debts from reckless spending and impulsive buying. I was able to settle those debts and be provided for without losing my neck. Jahova Jirah. The God who provides. He is enough. God forgive me for thinking you weren’t enough. You’re everything. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. [13] I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Philippians 4.12-13
God as provider is fist mentioned in the bible when he provides a lamb for Abraham to sacrifice instead of his promised and beloved son Isaacs. Abraham obeyed God’s instructions and was willing to give his son back to God. As Jesus said
Luke 20:25 NKJV [25] And He said to them, “Render therefore to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.”
Truth is not fluid. There’s no my truth and your truth. “Truth is reality from God’s perspective.” – Joyce Myer The cliché “there’s his/her side, your side and then there is the truth.” Implies that no one tells the truth. I know I can have an accurate understanding of reality and can honestly recount what happened. The cliché also Implies there is a judge of what the truth actually is. The Bible actually sets this up and our justice system is based on it. The reason we need a judge to determine what the truth is not because no one tells the truth, but because there are liars. People who only care about furthering their agenda. Reality doesn’t matter. Truth is not valued by them. Only what they can convince others of to get what they want. They aren’t trying to problem solve. They don’t care about getting to the bottom/root of a matter. They aren’t interested in peace, cooperation, mediation. They just stay the course for what they want using anything and everything to be king of the hill. They don’t want justice they don’t want to be held accountable. They don’t take responsibility for their actions.
Satan has been twisting God’s word since before he got thrown down out of heaven. Jesus is the truth and Satan is the father of lies. Godless people are liars. John 8:44 NASB1995 [44] You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
People are so easily deceived. Deceived by what tickles their ears. Deceived by permission to enjoy a sense of moral superiority. Deceived by thinking you are helping/saving the abuser playing the victim. We need to have wisdom and discernment because Satan is cunning Genesis 3:1. He appears as an angel of light. 2 Corinthians 11:14 You will know them by their fruits. Matthew 7:15-20 In sharing with you their woe of virtuous victimhood are they kind, patient, is it envious, boastful, is it keeping a record of wrongs, is it prideful, dishonoring to the other person, is self-seeking?
Is it even necessary to tell you if their goal/agenda is to resolve the problem? Are you really doing any justice by getting involved? Liars know that fools believe the first story they hear, so deceivers aggressively, intrusively, recklessly even to them being discovered as a charlatan will make sure everyone around will hear what the liar wants them to believe.
Matthew 18:15-17 NASB1995 [15] “If your brother sins , go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. [16] But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. [17] If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
You cannot know what the truth is by listening to one side. By listening you are being asked to judge. Are you fair and impartial? Have you collected all evidence? Have you listened to both sides? Probably not. Proverbs 18:17 NASB1995[17] The first to plead his case seems right, Until another comes and examines him. When I was first starting out as a therapist. I was meeting with a family of a child with the mother who had to share custody with the horrible father and his awful new wife. I didn’t particularly like the mother but I didn’t want to have to speak to this awful father. I was discussing it in supervision and my supervisor said we don’t have the privilege to not speak to both parents and by next supervision I had better of met with him. So I fearfully made an appointment to meet with the horrible father and step mother. The man was timid, exhausted, loved his daughter and married to the same woman but younger. At next supervision she asked well, was he a horrible, scary man as the wife said? No. My supervisor said that is why you always have to meet with both because one will say really terrible things so that you won’t want to speak to the other and will believe whatever they say is the story. Lesson for life.
My mom walked in kindness. My dad valued truth. They were not opposites attracting.
Jesus told Pilot that he had come into the world to testify to truth. Pilot asked Jesus “what is truth?” John 18:37-38
Jesus is the embodiment of love and truth. God is love. 1 John 4:b and Jesus is the way, thetruth and the life. No one comes to the Father but through him. John 14:6.
Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.
Being able to speak in love and truth makes us like Jesus and mature in the faith and wise I would say.
What is love? Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Peter 3:15 NASB1995 [15] but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence; (truth and love)
This was a verse in VBS one year when I was a teacher in my son’s class. I have been trying to always be ready to make a defense to anyone who asks about my hope ever since. It takes courage, preparation and experience but most people don’t ask. So, I’m not confident in my ability to do so when the time comes. But the spirt brings to my mind: But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, Matthew 10:19
As David says in The Bible miniseries God is with me.
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8 NIV
The nations are all the other countries in the bible besides Isreal. Assyria, Babylon, Cannan, Roman Empire. Godless and sinful, without morals. God set up for us to live in fellowship in a garden but the sin to be our own God got us kicked out. Then there was family and men as leaders of their families/tribes. Then a temple for cental location for communing with God with leaders of priest, prophets and judges; but the people felt weak and wanted a king like the nations. God warned them against this and spoke to them through his profets, but as they say in What’s in the Bible the children of Isreal went through cycle after cycle of “repent, repent, snooze. ” Which got them all destroyed save a remnant. My favorite word.
I sin like the nation of Isreal. I put other people as higher authority than the Lord my God. I’ll be busy loving others instead of keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus. It causes me to care what they think, trying to please them. Then, I become a slave to them. Galatians 1:10
am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? or am I striving to please men? if I were still pleasing men, I should not be a servant of Christ.
God had to teach me the hard way not to keep my focus on trying to be pleasing to other women. My mom passed down this sin of wanting the favor of other women of the church. They are not God. Some people will never give you approval. They will have you seeking after their approval for as long as I will stumble, forsaking myself trying to receive it. At best it puts pressure on people to be perfect instead of real and authentic which is where fellowship occurs. At worst I became a slave to approval. Seeking approval to man makes me a reproach to God and he loves me too much to leave me like that.
I would relate this misguided seeking to the scene in Lost Boys 1987 (a vampire movie) where Edward Herrmann’s character says: “Dont ever invite a vampire into your home, you silly boy, it renders you powerless. ” Lesson for Life- don’t give your power over to other people. Sounds like a lesson from an Oprah show. My pastor Dr Mercer once said in a sermon “Jesus is the only person in your life, who can govern your life, without enslaving you.” I know that’s true.
When I was a kid, my best friend down the street was perfect. She was pretty, stylish, had the best toys, lots of friends, her mom adored her, she never got in trouble she was always well put together. I wanted to copy everything she did, just like her little sister. She hated it. I on the other hand was “helter skelter” as my Uncle called me. I talked to much and listened to little. I didn’t sit still. Sometimes I didn’t match. I was often unprepared, disorganized, didn’t complete tasks, but I sure was happy when I was outside. I’m still happiest when I’m outside. I’m so thankful it brings me joy, I needed it like crazy when I was grieving.
Romans 8:28 NASB1995[28] And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Psalms 20:7-8 NASB1995[7] Some boast in chariots and some in horses, But we will boast in the name of the Lord, our God. [8] They have bowed down and fallen, But we have risen and stood upright.
It’s interesting that trust is used instead of boast in some versions. We boast about what we trust in. I would boast about and praise my friends, because I thought they were so great and what I would put my trust in to help me through life. God is a jealous God and he wants my trust, praise and hope. When I continued to want my friends to govern my life. God would let the evil nations over take me. When studying the old testament with Precept they say what is true of ancient Isreal physically is true of us spiritually. My first conquering as consequence for my idolatry was when I started middle school. There was a girl in my class who was smart, she was comfortable speaking in front of the class she was pretty and very cool. I wanted to be her friend. Luke 22:31-32 NASB1995[31] “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; [32] but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.” As Beth Moore said in one of her books I read when she released her books on digital access for free – Jesus let Satan sift Peter because Peter had something that needed sifting! We’ll, God was going to use this first Jezable spirt to sift out my idolatry of approval of other women.
Since I was a Christian I did want to know if she was a Christian. She had Father Abraham answers that her grandmother was a Christian. She would come to church with me, bible camp and even got baptized at my church. She never did develop spital fruits. 2 Corinthians 11:13-15 NASB1995[13] For such men are false apostles, deceitful workers, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. [14] No wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. [15] Therefore it is not surprising if his servants also disguise themselves as servants of righteousness, whose end will be according to their deeds. When I came to her house one day her mom laughed that I thought she wanted to be baptized because she was a believer. I was sad to realize she hadn’t. I put up with all kinds of abuse from her for years because I had thought she was someone she wasn’t, I thought she was wanting to grow and better herself, I had put so much of myself into the relationship and being her friend was part of my identity. I had to learn to find my identity in Christ. I hadn’t learned from my childhood, Christian friend so God got a bigger stone to throw.
The first time Jezable 1 came to my house we were playing in my room and she shares that she did this really horrible thing. She feels terrible about it and she trusts me enough to share it with me. She doesn’t share it with anyone else. I was so concerned for her and so glad she could trust me to be able to share with someone. She gets angry. One day her older brother was making her so angry she got a knife and chased him with it. In later years what she actually did was immensely worse. When she was done with her dramatization she said now you have to tell me something you are ashamed of since I shared with you something so shameful about me. I immediately had one thing come to mind that thought of when I thought of shame. It wasn’t something I did so I didn’t want to share, but she acted like I was harming her if I didn’t. I shared with her my dad was falsely arrested and questioned about a report a young girl in our neighborhood was flashed. Which I know he didn’t do since it goes against his character. She then went around telling people my dad is a pedophile. My church baptized her.
As Jezables do she accused me of everything and the kitchen sink in the years I knew her. That I wasn’t smart (because I would be pulled for SLD when in elementary school.) That I was a lesbian (she had sex before 14) and I never had a boyfriend for more than a week until I met my husband. Then, a pedophile or rapist. Seriously. I’m not a highly sexual person. I’m not a physical person. I’m not mean or harmful. I don’t have any perverse or unnatural sexual attractions. I barely had any interest. She obsessed about it. Having a boyfriend and guys wanting her was important. I didn’t want that kind of attention. She eventually would turn other people against me triangulation so people would be on her side. That I was judging and harming her because I wasn’t sexually active. Guys eat this one up. Have you ever seen guys wear clothing that says “thanks for being a slut”? It uses language a woman would use for another woman, but the man is showing appreciation for getting to take advantage of her promiscuity. Which was probably caused initially by a man who violated her when she was young. By Senior year of high school she would barely speak to me. I was going with my parents to New Orleans to visit my brother in college. I was sharing the exciting news with her and she suggests I go to a palm or terrot reader. I said no way. Im not interested. I was taught well by my second mom. Besides there is no way my parents would allow me even if I wanted to. However, she persisted tempting with the image of finding cool jewelry like Phoebe Buffet in Friends. The spiritual world and battle is real and I experienced it myself in New Orleans. My mom and I were shopping around in the French Quarter and I noticed a terrot shop. It had a narrow wood staircase with a jewelry stand at the top of the stairs and the door was open. I thought wow they really do sell jewelry. Its outside on the stairs what can be the harm in looking for a cool find? As I approach, drawn to it, a lady appeared which made me weary stop walking so she said come in, look at the jewelry like your friend said. I stopped short in terror! The hair on the back of my neck stood up and I became aware of the influence. It got my mom’s attention and she yelled out my name and hurried over to me to pull me away. I said to my mom she was expecting me. My mom said yes, evil is real. Why were you going in there? I explained the jewelry and she said you don’t want that jewelry. I said no I don’t. When Jezable 1 stopped talking to me it was because she and our other 2 best friends with some guys were planning to drive to a town about 45 minutes away where the whole town is full of palm readers, terrot and witch craft. People say it’s spooky as soon as you arrive and so teenagers like to go for mischief. I didn’t want to go. Even though I have a FOMO I was taught to stay away from that stuff because evil is real. The Bible says so too. She said it was fun and spooky and eventually it got scary and the police told them to leave. She told me that the crystal ball reader told her that she had a Christian friend who would harm her. I got so upset that she would believe that over knowing me all the years. She stopped talking to me to really drive the point and be cruel. It broke my heart.
I met my husband, she wanted him to want her, he did. She beautiful, sexual and had huge boob. She had sex with him. In my wedding video there is footage of her following him around to get close to him. He is aware of the camera. I didn’t want to believe it. Of either of them. I rationalized she wouldn’t want to have sex with him. She can do way better. When I first met him she was saying she didn’t want to be friends if that was the kind of guy I wanted to be with. He was short, overweight, and had a GED. I went to workout at the gym with her one day since she had been asking and afterwards we went for a run and saw him at a construction site working. He called out and I was excited to see him. She kept going and so i stayed with her. He got in his dump truck and drove up to us. She dissed him and I got in. Later she went around saying i got into a dump truck with some guy. Eventually, she said she that the reason she was luring him is because one of our besties wanted the attention of her boyfriend. Oh, ok then. They did that to me because they both like to betray. It wasn’t their first time or last. Those separated from God and sexual immortality always go together. My job was to believe people when they show and tell me who they are the first time. While attending community College we were at her parents who were out of town and she had a camera set up in her room and asked if I wanted a threesome with her boyfriend. I said no. Why would you ask me that? Asked myself why I was there? Left unbelonging where I had invested so much time.
When we were getting married she asked to be my maid of honor. I was struggling who to ask since I wasn’t close to anyone anymore so it was a relief to have that decision made. When getting ready she talked me into buying a veil I had to wear my hair up with because she knew how important it was to me to wear it down. I never wear my hair up because I don’t like my ears. I hate I was able to be talked into something I didn’t want because I trusted her style. When getting ready for my wedding I asked why her hair wasn’t up and she said I don’t want to look better than you and take attention from you on your day. When I walked out of the room she closed the door on my veil and my cousin’s boyfriend had to help release me. When we got to the chapel she told me my husband didn’t want to come since he was late getting there. She threw her shoe at me when we were taking wedding photos because they were hurting her feet. A few years later when my first child was born I was in the hospital and checked my phone. I had a voice mail from her. She said I’m home sick today so I’ll just be here all day and available for you to call. No thank you. I was so tired of wanting goodness from someone who had none. Wanting all the love, time and attention to produce fruit, but I had to learn only Jesus can do that. Plus I had married someone just like her. Same spirit, different body. I have never spoken to her again. She sent a Facebook message after my husband died. She complained to a mutual friend after my mom died that I wasn’t responding to her condolence messages. I told the mutual friend that it’s very nice of her to send her condolences, but that I don’t have to respond. I haven’t spoken to her in 20 years and I wasn’t about to start now. Lesson for life: I’m weary of people who don’t want me to like someone because toxic people are divisive, triangulate and cause strife among friends.
It will take a half dozen more Jezables and a husband to sift me enough to learn to look up from the deceitful distractions and put my faith, hope, and TRUST in Jesus. To stop letting them govern my thoughts and desires and to stop being silent and start speaking the word of God. I learned a lot about Jezable from Jonathan Cahn. The spiritual influence of Jezable on Hilary Clinton and husband Ahab. Revelation 2:20-21 NASB1995[20] But I have this against you, that you tolerate the woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, and she teaches and leads My bond-servants astray so that they commit acts of immorality and eat things sacrificed to idols. [21] I gave her time to repent, and she does not want to repent of her immorality. The spirit of Jezable is the same whether it’s only the national stage. Or in the life of a minor prophet in a little town that’s insignificant to the national stage. Pastor Mark Driscoll has good teaching on this spirit as well.
A key word for me in a Bible study was UP. Such a small word with such a powerful effect when we keep our eyes upon Jesus.
Acts 10:26 NASB1995 [26] But Peter raised him up, saying, “Stand up; I too am just a man.”
Job 14:17 NASB1995 [17] My transgression is sealed up in a bag, And You wrap up my iniquity.
Psalms 147:3 NASB1995 [3] He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.
Deuteronomy 32:34 NASB1995 [34] ‘Is it not laid up in store with Me, Sealed up in My treasuries?
Isaiah 62:10 NASB1995 [10] Go through, go through the gates, Clear the way for the people; Build up, build up the highway, Remove the stones, lift up a standard over the peoples.
John 3:14 NASB1995 [14] As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up;
Luke 21:28 NASB1995 [28] But when these things begin to take place, straighten up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.”
Titus 3:5 NASB1995 [5] He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit,
After I admitted I wasn’t perfect and I needed a perfect savior and accepted Jesus as the rightous one who died as sacrifice for my sins I became justified in the eyes of God the Father. Following this first step of faith- is the sanctification process of becoming more like Jesus. When I was a child I had the faith of a child. When I became an adult I had to rededicated my life to Christ. I confessed my sins, my idolatry, my utter weakness and foolishness. Leaning on my own understanding wasn’t working for me anymore. Proverbs 3:5-8 NASB1995[5] Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. [6] In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. [7] Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and turn away from evil. [8] It will be healing to your body And refreshment to your bones. As Dr Phil says: “how’s that working for you?”
The sanctification process is not becoming morally superior to others. The moment our feelings turn to pride and arrogance we have put off the breast plate of righteousness due to the belt of truth slipping. When we feel like we are better than someone else and in position to judge and condemn them we don’t have Jesus’s righteousness- that comes from the sanctification process of knowing truth. Jesus is truth John 14:6. Instead we have put on self righteousness and that’s old nature. Our natural tendency before justification. Ephesians 2:8 NASB1995 [8] For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works so that no man may boast.
2 Corinthians 5:17 NASB1995[17] Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.
We are easily deceived, manipulated and fooled into doing Satan’s bidding. All he has to do is tempt with what we want. We start to act like the father of lies rather than the God of love. When we think we are are own God and live by our own standard we play judge and condemn in unjust ways. We reject, shame, degrade and isolate people we deam inferior. This is how the learders in the temple were like in Jesus’s day, towards Jesus! They gathered fake evidence of evil “blaspheme” We mistreat, hate, violate their rights they have not earned the loss of, exploit them as examples of what evil looks like, but THEY are evil. They have no right to condemn. John the Baptist called the temple leaders a brood of vipers. They were constantly questioning Jesus with trick questions.
Self righteousness is seeking good feelings about ourselves and so we look good to others. So others don’t do this to us. Instead when we humble ourselves under the truth of who God is we are upheld with his righteous right hand. Isaiah 40:10. That’s a promise we can stand on fearlessly.
1 Peter 1:6-9 NASB1995[6] In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, [7] so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; [8] and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, [9] obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls.
Psalms 66:10 NASB1995[10] For You have tried us, O God; You have refined us as silver is refined.
Isaiah 48:10 NASB1995[10] Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.
Angels the original messengers of God and God’s army are present and active from Genesis to Revelation. Angels are still active today in God’s rescue plan for humanity and helping us in the sanctification process just as the holy spirit is. The first time I saw an angel was when a girl in our neighborhood who was my age about 3rd grade who neither me or my other friends in the neighborhood played with because she was weird. I didn’t know her well at all. She was never out playing with the rest of us. She was the oldest of two sisters. She made a police report that a young man had flashed her and he drove a red car. I witnessed angels when two police officers rang the front door of our home. When I opened it the two officers were more surprised to see me than I was to see them. They asked if my dad was here and I told them yes. I asked them about the many officers behind them positioned across our front yard. They barely looked behind them knowing they didn’t bring more officers with them and more sternly asked for my dad. My dad came to the front door and he left with them. I told my mom about the dark figures standing in strategic positions across the front yard, but the officers said weren’t there. She was crying and she asked me why I wasn’t upset about two police officers coming to our home? I said why would I? My dad wore the same uniform and gun belt they did everyday except his his brown because he was a correction officer in the prison system. My dad was traumatized by the interrogation. Years later, he shared that he said he finally stood up, banged his fist on the table and said I’ve answered your questions, if you are going to arrest me, arrest me already! I was an adult by then and as he reenactmented it he was red face, traumatized emotion. I told him about the dark figures who stood in position. He was shocked and processing. Our church stopped talking to us after that questioning. It’s why by the time I was in 8th grade I didn’t know anyone and didn’t want to go to church anymore. My parent’s eventually quit going to church too, but then one day God told them the church needed them and to go back. Soon after this false accusation my dad was in a terrible car accident. He was driving to work and passed in the fog. He was in a comma. He broke 3/4 rib cages and the bones in his face. It looks months for him to recover from that. He said one day afterwards he was driving to work and an angel appeared to him. White light shown all around and him not to fear, that everything will be alright. When my parents returned to the church my dad went up to the pastor to shake his hand and tell him they they were returning. The pastor said: “why would you do that?” My dad and him never got along after that. My dad was still involved with the church as he had been in the church he grew up in with his mother. He however always felt as people were condemning him for that girl’s false accusation. What was he supposed to be embarrassed for? Driving a red car? Having a mustache? Not being above reproach? A false accusation isn’t reproach. He wasn’t arrested or charged for it. He was released after questioning and that was the end of the polices interest in him. But that humiliation tortured my dad for the rest of his life. An accusation isn’t the same as finding fault. When my parents died the parents of that girl still lived in the neighborhood too. The younger daughter lived with them and she said the accuser lives in Miami, is physically beautiful and still falsely accusing men of harming her. The hurt from the rejection of the church is still present. The pastor of the church told me I need to write my book, because they need to hear it. Guilty people without repentance feel no shame. Wrongfully accused people who don’t fight back with a righteousness indignation shy away with shame as a polite way of not burdening others with such ungodliness. My dad was a gentleman and wouldn’t force anyone to address the situation.
1 Corinthians 3:13 GNBDC[13] And the quality of each person’s work will be seen when the Day of Christ exposes it. For on that Day fire will reveal everyone’s work; the fire will test it and show its real quality.
1 Corinthians 4:4-5 GNBDC[4] My conscience is clear, but that does not prove that I am really innocent. The Lord is the one who passes judgement on me. [5] So you should not pass judgement on anyone before the right time comes. Final judgement must wait until the Lord comes; he will bring to light the dark secrets and expose the hidden purposes of people’s minds. And then all will receive from God the praise they deserve.
1 Corinthians 4:14 GNBDC[14] I write this to you, not because I want to make you feel ashamed, but to instruct you as my own dear children.
2 Timothy 3:16-17 GNBDC[16] All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching the truth, rebuking error, correcting faults, and giving instruction for right living, [17] so that the person who serves God may be fully qualified and equipped to do every kind of good deed.
Our church didn’t do what God instructs His church to do when maters arise.
https://youtu.be/lEFNQE76Us4?si=scU9TS1O8HAAdC4V Brandon Lake Wait and See
when my kids were little I attended MOPS meetings at my church. At one meeting the speaker of the day asked us what our life verse is. A verse God had given me as a kid instantly came to mind. I didn’t even know what book of the Bible it was located. I quoted it to someone and they said it was in Ephesians, but that it can’t be my life verse. I thought well, God is the one who gave it to me so it certainly can. I also learned in a Bible study we did on spiritual gifts to serve the church that I have the gift of prophecy and discernment. So the verse goes very well with those spiritual gifts. It is also an important guide in these evil/last days. The verse is the reason for needing to put on the full armor of God.
Life verse:
Ephesians 6:12 NASB1995 [12] For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.
Thus, Lesson for Life:
Ephesians 6:13 NASB1995 [13] Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.
When I was a kid my best friend and neighbor was also a Christian. Her mom and my mom would ride together to the beach reading the bible on the way. We went to the same church. We would car ride together, have sleep overs. Her mom would teach us about the spiritual realm, the end times and rapture. I learned there dangers of ouigie boards, Palm readers and etc. As well as learning about the holy spirit. The holy spirit is with us, in us, guiding us and helping us; so we need to be paying attention. God put her on my life when I was 4 years old. They moved away when I was a young adult but with social media we are still able to stay in contact and when my husband and parents died she grieved with me and told me about Heaven, which was very much on my mind because of the 5 people i loved the most 3 of them were there! She was such a comfort to me and God sends his people to minister to each other.
When I was 10 or so I became very interested in what my spiritual gift was. Sunday school teachers would teach that when we are saved we have spiritual gifts like preaching and teaching. I wanted to learn more about them so I could know what mine was. I asked my mom one day and she sat me down in an arm chair and handed me her bible opened to 1 Corinthians 12 where she had highlighted where Paul lists the spiritual gifts; but nothing spoke to me. None of them jumped out to me. It was discouraging to still not have any answers.
Now, I know what my spiritual gifts are but using and exercising my spiritual gifts because of my life verse is a whole different matter. I fear Satan too much and I fear retaliation of people because I know Satan will show up and I to often doubt that God will. I have to remind myself that God is always with me. Matthew 28:20 teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Reminding myself of what God has already done for me. Memorizing His promises. Deuteronomy 31:8 The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
One day I was getting on the monorail at Magic Kingdom during a Night of Joy event. A man in line in front of me had the verse Jeremiah 20:9 on the back of his shirt: But if I say, “I will not remember Him Or speak anymore in His name,” Then in my heart it becomes like a burning fire Shut up in my bones; And I am weary of holding it in, And I cannot endure it.”
I got so excited YES! That is exactly how having the gift of prophecy but refusing to exercise it feels like! When I focus on other people or Satan its so weaisom or burdensome. Instead, I have to focus on pleasing God. I have to obey God and speak it and let it out! I’m so used to being silent and refusing to speak of Him that it’s easier to express it in writing. It’s always been easier to express in writing because I can take time to consider what I want to say.
Galatians 1:10 NASB1995[10] For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.
The point of the gift of prophecy is to edify the church. To encourage, comfort and help. 1 Corinthians 14:3. Christians are to seek to abound for the edification of the church. Prophesy convicts, brings to account and disclose the secrets of the heart to declare God. God revealed to me to edify the church through Psalm.
Ephesians 5:19 NASB1995[19] speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord;
I recognized that my words were not edifying at all. God knows I function best with practical tools to implement, thus using the words in the book of psalms when speaking to be effective in encouraging, bringing comfort and help. The psalms are useful in speaking truth in love to bring conviction and accountability to God. So that we turn from our rebellious, wanting to be our own god and turn towards Jesus. Look up! Now if I would just memorize the psalms. It’s only 30,147 words. I do want to improve my speaking to help others. Build up other Christians. I have to be careful because I have a tendency to idoliz people that I admire. I don’t want to feed people’s ego in their worldly pursuits, flesh or skills. I only want to praise God. I want to use God’s words to strengthen his church to bring glory to God. To use my spiritual gifts to be part of the body of Christ and build up the Kingdom of God.
Psalms 1:1-3 NASB1995[1] How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! [2] But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night. [3] He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, Which yields its fruit in its season And its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers.
Ephesians 4:29 NASB1995[29] Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.
Building 429 Listen to the Sound
The gift of prophecy isn’t valued by people because 1.) it’s usually perceived in a twisted way. Like a soothsayer- someone who can see the future. Which, spiritually is like terot readers, crystal balls, psychics. Thats not one of God’s prophets. The gift of prophecy is a prophet of the Lord. A messenger. If the prophet knows what will happen in the future it’s because it’s the message God gave them, usually to warn them. The message is usually repent. The are many prophets in the bible God sent to Isreal to warn them they better start following God’s Precepts or else. God even sent a prophet to Isreal’s enemies. Jonah was a prophet sent to the capital city Ninevah of Assyria. The message: 40 days and Ninevah will be overthrown. It’s a prediction of a future event, but it’s not what the prophet was sent there for. A prophet was sent to let the people of Ninevah know that their actions have earned destruction. God relented concerning the calamity because they all repented. The point of sending the prophet was for them to repent so God can spare His judgement it wasn’t so Jonah can be a soothsayer.
Jonah 3:10 NASB1995[10] When God saw their deeds, that they turned from their wicked way, then God relented concerning the calamity which He had declared He would bring upon them. And He did not do it.
Amos 3:7 NASB1995[7] Surely the Lord God does nothing Unless He reveals His secret counsel To His servants the prophets.
2 Peter 3:9 NASB1995[9] The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.
Deuteronomy 18:9-14 NASB1995[9] “When you enter the land which the Lord your God gives you, you shall not learn to imitate the detestable things of those nations. [10] There shall not be found among you anyone who makes his son or his daughter pass through the fire, one who uses divination, one who practices witchcraft, or one who interprets omens, or a sorcerer, [11] or one who casts a spell, or a medium, or a spiritist, or one who calls up the dead. [12] For whoever does these things is detestable to the Lord; and because of these detestable things the Lord your God will drive them out before you. [13] You shall be blameless before the Lord your God. [14] For those nations, which you shall dispossess, listen to those who practice witchcraft and to diviners, but as for you, the Lord your God has not allowed you to do so. Deuteronomy 18:15-19 NASB1995[15] “The Lord your God will raise up for you a prophet like me from among you, from your countrymen, you shall listen to him. [16] This is according to all that you asked of the Lord your God in Horeb on the day of the assembly, saying, ‘Let me not hear again the voice of the Lord my God, let me not see this great fire anymore, or I will die.’ [17] The Lord said to me, ‘They have spoken well. [18] I will raise up a prophet from among their countrymen like you, and I will put My words in his mouth, and he shall speak to them all that I command him. [19] It shall come about that whoever will not listen to My words which he shall speak in My name, I Myself will require it of him.
Reason 2.) Why the gift of prophecy isn’t valued. People perceive prophets as people who think they are spiritually superior to others believers. Like God talks to prophet only. Not true. The veil was torn in the temple when Jesus died on the cross and we all have access to our high priest. We can all hear from God as we pray and read his word and be guided by the holy spirit the helper. We don’t have to wait to hear from a prophet or go through a priest. What access!! The gift of prophecy is really the spiritual gift combination of faith, wisdom and obedience to the Lord of Hosts. Being a prophet is exhausting. Moses said let me not see this great fire anymore or I will die. Being in the presence of all might God is totally overwhelming. God wanting Moses to walk up to Pharoah after leaving the family, treason, murder of Egyptian and demand he release a million slaves is exhausting to try and rationalize. Jonah being told to go to Ninevah the great city of the Assyrians who terrorize and murder the Isrealites and eventually destroy the kingdom of Isreal. Like what Lord? Do you hate me? Are you trying to get me killed? It feels like anything but superior when God asks me to give a message. I feel inferior. Illequipt. Rejected. Who would want to listen to me? I’ve seen where people have a message for a specific person and God has given that to me a couple of times but only like twice in my whole life. The message God wants me to give is my testimony to edify the church. I’m like Lord. Do you hate me? Do you know how many people that is going to anger? Or call me crazy. People want to think what they already believed and they don’t want their beliefs challenged because it reveals what they have been doing based on those beliefs is displeasing to God. I lived in my hometown for 45 years and never began to obey God in writing my testimony until after I moved out of my hometown and became single because my husband and both of my parents were gone. 1 Corinthians 7:34-35 NASB1995[34] and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. [35] This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.
Mark 6:1-6 NASB1995 [1] Jesus went out from there and *came into His hometown; and His disciples *followed Him. [2] When the Sabbath came, He began to teach in the synagogue; and the many listeners were astonished, saying, “Where did this man get these things, and what is this wisdom given to Him, and such miracles as these performed by His hands? [3] Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary, and brother of James and Joses and Judas and Simon? Are not His sisters here with us?” And they took offense at Him. [4] Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and among his own relatives and in his own household.” [5] And He could do no miracle there except that He laid His hands on a few sick people and healed them. [6] And He wondered at their unbelief. And He was going around the villages teaching.
Jesus couldn’t do miracles in his hometown because they thought they knew better based on what they already knew. “And He wondered at their unbelief.” They would rather think they know better then have miracles performed? They seriously missed out. In the old testament when prophets would go to Isreal with a message they would say don’t prophesy here! Isaiah 30:9-11 NASB1995[9] For this is a rebellious people, false sons, Sons who refuse to listen To the instruction of the Lord; [10] Who say to the seers, “You must not see visions”; And to the prophets, “You must not prophesy to us what is right, Speak to us pleasant words, Prophesy illusions. [11] Get out of the way, turn aside from the path, Let us hear no more about the Holy One of Israel.”
Amos 7:14-15 NASB1995[14] Then Amos replied to Amaziah, “I am not a prophet, nor am I the son of a prophet; for I am a herdsman and a grower of sycamore figs. [15] But the Lord took me from following the flock and the Lord said to me, ‘Go prophesy to My people Israel.’
Deuteronomy 18:18-22 NASB1995[18] I will raise up a prophet from among their countrymen like you, and I will put My words in his mouth, and he shall speak to them all that I command him. [19] It shall come about that whoever will not listen to My words which he shall speak in My name, I Myself will require it of him. [20] But the prophet who speaks a word presumptuously in My name which I have not commanded him to speak, or which he speaks in the name of other gods, that prophet shall die.’ [21] You may say in your heart, ‘How will we know the word which the Lord has not spoken?’ [22] When a prophet speaks in the name of the Lord, if the thing does not come about or come true, that is the thing which the Lord has not spoken. The prophet has spoken it presumptuously; you shall not be afraid of him.
Jonah’s prophecy to Ninevah came true 100 years later when the people returned to their old ways. The book of Nahum gives the account of it.
I relate to Jonah so much. I just want to run and hide and not do as the Lord has placed on my heart because people are terrible, stubborn and judgemental, hateful, jealous, malicious slanders and gossips. Not wanting to be brought near the holy one. Like the Isrealites who told Moses to go up the mountain himself because being near the presence of God was too much. When Moses came down from the mountain after being in God’s presence he was glowing so much they through a veil over him. I feel like other prophets who stated they would rather die than do what God is asking. It seems so dramatic when they say it. Lol.
I have desired to write out my testimony to teach my children and stop patterns of disfunction where we are not growing spiritually. To speak out against blindness of the church so to build them up and strengthen them. As people say if it helps one person… Thirdly to call sin a sin. To do that I have to speak personally. To show through my story of God’s work in my life. I’ve heard Beth Moore say that people will ask her why she doesn’t recount her childhood sexual abuse for us and she replies because you wouldn’t be blessed by it. I completely agree! I don’t need her to dredge up those nightmares and give details for me to understand that it’s awful. Incomprehensible. Additionally, when someone shares a trauma they have been through, other people feel comfortable to open up to them. It’s usually an unwelcome dump of Additional secondary trauma. They aren’t a professional who is a consenting to receive that information. There was an Oprah show one day where an FBI agent who finds child sex offenders was on and they gave a warning that she will graphically describe what physically happens to babies when they are sexually assaulted. I muted my tv because I don’t need to know the horrible details of that to understand that that even exists, or to have compassion for the baby or to feel angered and compelled to fight for justice. Unfortunately the audience didn’t get to mute. And as I’m watching silently her give account of what she has seen first hand she smiles as I imagine the audience begins audibly expressing sorrow and trauma. I’m thankful there are people willing to have that knowledge in order to snuff that evil out, but I’m no more helpful in that cause by listening to it. Hearing Beth Moore recount situations isn’t going to help me prevent myself from childhood trauma. Childhood is long gone and There are plenty of experts who teach how to protect our children from child predators, but that isnt Mrs Moore’s expertise.
I’m a very private person because I’m sensitive to criticism from my sin weakness of people pleaseing, holding others opion of me in high places. I’m pro accountability. I’m anti criticism for the purpose of devaluing. I’m pro correction and rebuke for the training in righteousness. 2 Timothy 3:16. I keep things to myself not to hide darkness but to protect goodness from highly critical people who want to destroy. God has had to provide many lessons to instruct me that I have to share personal details I’ve experienced in order for my children and others to understand because it was unimaginable to me until I lived it. It was a lot to process as I was going through it and the trauma it caused wants me to be silent so it will just go away and I can forget about it. But it doesn’t go away until we face it, call it out and put on the full armor of God to fight against it.
Revelation 12:10-11 NASB1995[10] Then I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, “Now the salvation, and the power, and the kingdom of our God and the authority of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren has been thrown down, he who accuses them before our God day and night. [11] And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life even when faced with death.
I was the second born to two Christian parents. My parents were very active in our church. God lead them to our church home before I was born. They found a church family in their new home state far from where they grew up. I grew up in that church ever since I was born. I accepted Jesus in my heart when I was 6 and was baptized when I was 9. We lived in a home my parent’s bought a few months before I was born. I attended the church I was brought up in for 45 years. I recently left both my parent’s home and my church home after my husband and then both of my parent’s passed away within 1 year and 10 months of each other.
Growing up I was in church every Sunday morning and Wednesday night. I loved church. I loved attending VBS every year. My friends were all from church and families of my parent’s friends. I knew the bible as much as a kid is taught. It was definitely sugar coated in my church. I was familiar with bible stories and people in the bible. I could see God’s standard lived out in most of the people around me. My parents, other couples in the church, my friends. I knew the 10 commandments. I loved to be in the plays and sing about God’s word. I hated memorizing scripture in GAs but for the most part I knew God’s standard. My mom liked to retell the story of when I was saved. We were driving in the car and I was pretty much lamenting that other people knew Jesus better than me and that I want to know Him too and I want him to know me. My mom pulled over right then, “in front of Mrs Kings house” and she asked me if i wanted to pray the sinners prayer so I can have a personal relationship with Jesus. I said yes! I felt so seen that she had heard my lamenting and responded so seriously. I prayed repeating after her. As we started driving again I wondered what Jesus was going to do to get to know me. My 6 year old egocentric self couldn’t even begin to understand how God and Jesus already knew me, loved me and had already done so much for me.
Psalms 139:1-6 NASB1995[1] O Lord, You have searched me and known me. [2] You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. [3] You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. [4] Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all. [5] You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. [6] Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it.
Heaven and my mom rejoyced that day as I wanted to know and follow Jesus. Another life experience that drew me to seek Jesus was when a family in our church who my parents were friends with and had kids mine and my brother’s age had a tragedy when the father committed suicide. It was shocking, disbelief. The middle school minister at the time gathered us, my best friend and her family and Another family with kids our age and we all went to Pizza Hut to “love and support them.” I loved going to Pizza Hut and we often went with one of the families there that day for lunch after church on Sundays. That day was solomn. We just sat with them in shock, disbelief and sorrow. It was hard to think about what they must be feeling because they had to endure something that was so awful, overwhelmingly heavy and it was through no fault of their own. Nothing they did to cause it. Nothing they could have done to prevent it, but now they had to endure it. I didn’t know that sitting with them and eating with them, gathered together for them could be so important in blessing them with comfort. I’m glad the middle school minister did. I learned later this is known as ministry of your presence. The major lesson I would need in my life would come from watching the widow, their mom. Wrongfully, our church as a congregation in general rejected this family. Not allowing their kids to play with their kids, not supporting a widow. I saw her seek Jesus with hunger due to so much pain and trauma. I got to be a witness to what God did for her because my parents were a friend to her. They didn’t foresake her. I got to witness the peace that surpasses understanding. She was given provisions. He strengthened her and comforted her. She was blessed for her faithfulness. After my parents died she told me many times how my parents were there for her in dark times and her friend. She became such a blessing to me when my husband, dad and then mom died. She was there for me when my parents couldn’t be and I knew she would be able to understand and she was there for me. That’s the church.
When I was a young teenager I chose to walk away from God and church. I remember the day in 8th grade I was at the library with friends on a Wednesday for school and I was begging my mom to stay instead of leaving to go to Wednesday night church. She had grown so tired of pleading with me to go she said yes and that she wouldn’t make me anymore. I was so excited, but deep down I knew that had broken her heart and this was not good. But, I had grown apart from the church and didn’t even know a lot of the people anymore and they didn’t know me. My friends were at school. My church wasn’t there for me anymore. I wasn’t fed through relationships anymore which is how I met Jesus and learned about Jesus. To me church without the fellowship was nothing. I went where there was interpersonal relationships. It didn’t matter to me then they weren’t based on Jesus as long as I was included. The problem is, the church walked away from me before I walked away from the church.
After I had accepted Jesus as my Savior from myself I wanted to get baptized. I went down front with my mom during Sunday morning service’s call to the alter a couple of times and the pastor would say I wasn’t ready. I’m sure I Gad difficulty expressing myself, but all I knew was my belief, calling out to Jesus and wanting him to be Lord was not believed and next steps denied. I wasn’t baptized until 3 years later when I was 9.
Romans 10:13 NASB1995[13] for “Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
Later, in high school it got to where not just church was empty to me but so was God. I was sitting on the floor of my best friend’s bedroom and I told God he wasn’t enough. That I could fill my life better than He could and I didn’t need him. I had stopped living for God a few years earlier so I don’t know why I would think I’d be walking on a path of blessings. To know God we have to seek him. Matthew 7:8 NASB1995 [8] For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. I was an ungrateful, rebellious fool. I believed that same old sorry lie from the garden of eden that God is holding out on me and that it is a delight to my eyes to do what I think is best. I thought you don’t want to know me and your church doesn’t want to know me I don’t want to be bothered with wanting to know you. Though I now wanted to be the God of my own life, I never could deny that God is God. God was like see you soon prodigal.
1 Corinthians 15:33 NASB1995 Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.
My life got so much worse after that. My friends at the time liked to drink alcohol, smoke and dabble in recreational drug use. I desperately didn’t want to be left out. I idolized them. My friends wouldn’t tell me things because they said i wouldn’t approve which made me want to align with whatever they did so I wouldn’t be left out. They were also pretty boy crazy. I couldn’t lower my standard on was boys. I’ve never been boy crazy. Sexual sin is not my sin weakness. It wasn’t a temptation for me either. I remember telling them one day when being asked if I even liked boys? That the only lowering of the standard of no sex outside of marriage that I would do is: that I don’t have to be married to him- he just has to be who I would marry. As Bart Millard would say in his book I Can Only Imagine- remember this for later.
The arduous journey back from this disasterous detour was long with lots of suffering with self inflicted consequences and trials for growth and for my good. Romans8:28 My mom told me later in life that God said to her that I would not always be like this. The journey I had to take was one of self love. I thought so little of myself. Not how God saw me at all. I didn’t think I was pretty, or had good style, I didn’t think I had any skills or talents, I didn’t think I was smart, I didn’t think I was witty. I thought my friends were all of these things and I admired them so. Idolized. When focusing my thoughts on my friends instead of God I couldn’t develop into what God made me to be. I had been doing this my whole life and I needed to learn to LOOK UP.
Ive learned idolizing and insecurity attracks people who self hate even more than I did. Who cope through insulting, belittling and casting their negative thoughts of themselves onto me. Which i easily accept due to low self esteem. They usually hate themselves beyond what we can see, because they know what they’ve done in the dark and we don’t. In the self loathing people I attracted it presents itself as prideful, arrogance with a smile and a false offer of help and instruction, which I thought I desperately needed. Sounds like that old serpent in the garden, eh? I was right in that I desperately needed help and instruction I just received it from all the wrong people. I coped with my poor self assessment with trying to please those who had attributes I thought were strong and courageous. I needed to look to Jesus.
Unfortunately, I didn’t learn this lesson until after I got married. I fell in love with a guy and I had never been in love before. I thought he was all the things he said he was. I thought he had all the strengths where I had all my weaknesses. This is know in toxic relationships recovery groups as mirroring. They say they are all the things you love and admire. Then, eventually the mask starts to slip and the true nature is seen. After years of living with a mentally and emotionally abusive person, years of studying human behavior and gaining wisdom from God I have learned to recognize these character traits. I didn’t learn this from my parent’s or in bible school. I learned it the hard knocks way and so I am teaching my children. I’m sharing my experiences to teach my knowledge, understanding and wisdom I’ve gained through suffering and walking with God.
My mom got me into bible study after I finished my masters degree. She said “you are done with school, now you can study God’s word.” My faith caught fire like never before. I have a bachelor’s in psychology and a master in social work. I loved studying human behavior and helping others. I enjoyed studying it very much! Studying God’s word with Precept Bible study and Kay Arthur excited my brain even more than the study of psychology did. It also renewed my mind, comforted my spirit and gave me wisdom I was so lacking. It gave me my foundation back. God loves me. Never foresakes. He equipped me to raise my children to know Him and to be a good wife in a bad marriage. My parent’s had a marriage with a strong foundation. They were both Christians and followers of Christ. They put each other first. They prayed together, sang together, served together, raised their children together had the same friends, were faithful to each other, but I didn’t have any of that with my husband. Having parent’s with a good marriage didn’t mean I would have one and having saved parents didn’t mean I would be saved. That came from my own journey, my own decisions and my own growth based on what I was taught, how I thought of myself and what I learned beyond what my parent’s taught me. All the other influences in my life God uses to draw us to Him.
Lesson for Life:
We are not saved by our parent’s faith.
But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming to where he was baptizing, he said to them: “You brood of vipers!g Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath?h8 Produce fruit in keeping with repentance.i9 And do not think you can say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our father.’j I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham. 10 The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.k Matthew 3:7-10
Romans 5:12 [12] Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned—
For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive. 1 Corinthians 15:22
